Jack smiled as he finished his telephone conversation with his only son, Jackson.  Life was not an easy road for them as Jackson navigated in and out of trouble throughout his childhood. It started after his wife, Lorena, passed away. Jackson was 7 years old and had been sort of a momma’s boy; he and Lorena were inseparable.  He helped her in the kitchen, stating that he wanted to be a gourmet chef someday. He played little league baseball and Lorena was at every game, sometimes cheering him on for both of them. Jacks’ medical sales representative job kept him at work late and often needed him to travel.  He regretted missing out on so many of Jackson’s games, but he and Lorena wanted her to be a stay at home Mom for as long as possible. The income he brought in was too good to pass up:  he was top earner in the region and often brought home healthy bonuses.

When Lorena noticed that she wasn’t feeling as energetic as normal, she brushed it off as being low on vitamins, or not sleeping well.  After too many months, her abdomen started to feel painful and full, so she went to the doctor. She learned she had ovarian cancer that metastasized throughout her abdomen. Even though her doctor told her that 75% of women live a year, Lorena succumbed to it just 4 short months after diagnosis.  Jack was devastated at losing the love of his life, never once did he think to look at another woman with ill intent. Jackson was inconsolable and nothing Jack did or said was able to bring him comfort. Jack took a lesser role in the Medical Supply company so he could be home for Jackson, he enrolled Jackson in counseling, and tried to do cooking with him but it just wasn’t the same.  After a year, Jack began to stop trying so hard:  he went back to his prior role which brought him home late.  The nanny was agreeable to stay with Jackson, but she always gave Jack a look that told him she didn’t approve.  It was easy to see that Jackson was starting to act out in his grief. He started to lose interest in school, he talked back to his dad, and he started hanging around with new friends.  These friends would prove to be trouble in the next several years.

Jackson started getting into trouble when he was 10 years old.  From age 10 until 11, he was caught vandalizing property, shoplifting, and was suspended from school for fighting.  At age 12 through 13, he and his buddies were arrested for taking one of the parent’s cars and driving around. From age 14 on, Jackson came home too often with liquor on his breath. He stayed out late and became belligerent any time Jack would confront him. Jack tried to talk to his son, tried to get him to attend church with him, tried to take him on a vacation, and tried to enroll him back in counseling. Nothing seemed to get to Jackson.  By the time Jackson was 18, he moved out and stopped talking to Jack, unless he needed bail money.  Jack was so frustrated in the lack of motivation in his son, with his love affair for trouble, and with his own inability to reach his only son.  He was so tired from grieving for his wife and son, he gave up trying to reach Jackson and continued with his life.

Years later, he received a call from Jackson. It was Jacksons 23^rd Birthday and Jack hadn’t heard from him in almost a year. Jack tried, repeatedly, to find out where his son was living, but Jackson had no address, no phone, and no one that knew where he was.  Jack tried to see if he could file a missing person’s ad, but that didn’t get anywhere: with Jacksons history, the police figured he didn’t want to be found. Jack hoped that was the case and not that he met up with tragedy. This had been a particularly cold winter in the Midwest.

“Dad, I have news for you” said an excited voice over the phone.  “I am clean, and I enrolled in a master’s program for Social Work, it will take me a while because I need to get all of my pre-requisites done, but I want to do this. I want to stop others from going down the path I did. I’m sorry for all I put you through, I know it wasn’t your fault Mom died.”  Jackson was talking so fast and excitedly, Jack could hardly take it all in.  This was the best news Jack could have heard. The two talked for a long time and planned for Jackson to come home and stay until school was done.  That was four years ago. Jackson has seen so much in his few years of work.  He shared stories, but never patient data, of course.  His heart is so empathetic towards his patients. He ended up working at a local hospital, helping patients navigate the system.  The hospital is a level one trauma center and has a world-renowned psychiatric facility, so the things Jackson sees are almost unbelievable.

One night, Jackson was in the Emergency Room making rounds between potential cases he would oversee.  It was a typical night of trauma cases from car accidents, street fights, drug overdose, and psychiatric events.  There were patients being flown in from other states, there were motorcycle accidents and many patients that just couldn’t figure out where they were in life. You could smell cleanser, body odor, and blood in that space. It was not a place one wanted to be in long.  There was a man in the hallway yelling at the staff to call his friend, not call his wife, he has rights, he needs to be helped, and all kinds of racial and ethnic slurs. The security guards had to warn him frequently, and eventually took him somewhere; maybe to imaging.  Another lady sat in the high security room, screaming to be let out. Her screams were deafening, even though the door was an ultra-heavy padded door. Once they opened the door and told her she would have to stop screaming so they can get her out and release her, she cried out that she had nowhere to go. It was sad for Jackson to see such a young girl in this position. He knew he would be trying to connect with her to find resources.  He watched the care team resuscitate one patient two times, he tried not to watch but there were so many people in the room, the doors had to remain open, he looked away to preserve her dignity.  Patient after patient piled in that night and the hallway grew thick with beds. Jackson knew there would be a lot of patients spending a night or two in this hallway and he hated the thought of it. Some of these patients would become so sleep deprived, they would be in worse shape than when they entered.  The rowdy gentleman came back and seemed to be more at ease. He was up talking to people, telling people they were awesome, and saluting a veteran.  Jackson watched a couple of families sitting in the hallway all night with their loved ones, what these people witnessed had to be a frightening ordeal for them, especially the family with the elderly Mother. Jackson heard them say her age, he thought it was in the 90’s. 

These are the things he saw daily, and he was so happy to be in this field to help others. The money wasn’t great; there were many other careers he could have chosen that would have been more lucrative.  The rewards, however, were immense: he loved the feeling of easing the mind of a family member in the hospital, of helping them make a care plan, of helping them find temporary rehabilitation centers.  He felt empathy for the troubled patients that made too many bad decisions and he was so thankful for the persistence of his own father. Jackson knew he put his dad through hell after his mom died, but he couldn’t figure out how to deal with his grief or how to turn to his dad. His dad had apologized to him for not being around as much as he should and for giving up, but Jackson knew that the reason his dad gave up was his own fault.  The repeatedly pushing of his dad away, didn’t allow for any sort of bond.

Jackson had made the change in his life after a very low point. He had taken a job at a convenience store. He knew he needed to make a change, but he couldn’t get the courage to search for help. He and a girl at work hit it off and became friends. Jackson wanted so bad to take Shelly on a date so he asked her to lunch one day when he realized they would both be on break at the same time.  They went to a little café, shared an appetizer and a sandwich, and talked about their lives.  She shared that this was her second job, she had two jobs so she could save for college. Shelly wanted to go to nursing school and work in a children’s hospital.  She talked about her parents, her childhood, and her aspirations. When it came time for Jackson to share, he clammed up. He wasn’t sure how much he should share. He knew she would accept him, but he also knew that she would never date someone like him that fell over drunk at night, didn’t aspire for college, had a track record of trouble, and no roadmap to make a change. He made up a story about his childhood and his plans.  What he realized, later, is that the roadmap he painted, was what he had wanted to do all along. He was honest about his mom dying, but he turned he and his father’s relationship into a picture of what it should have been rather than what it was. He told her he was saving for college as well, and he wanted to be a social worker.  They started hanging out and seeing more of each other after that lunch.  Jackson, however, didn’t have a college fund and didn’t stop drinking.  He passed out too many times, showed up late to work, and even came in a little drunk from a late night.  He was fired, and he never saw Shelly again.  Two weeks after he was fired, he bought a bus ticket and went to a neighboring town to enroll in a rehab program. 

Now, as he sat in front of the girl that was pounding on the door, trying to get out, but having no place to go, he felt like he was looking in a mirror.  Her name was Jamie, and she was 22 years old. Her parents divorced when she was 13 and she was so angry with them that she started lashing out by staying out late, doing drugs, and partying all night. When she was 18, her parents kicked her out after she stole money from them for drugs.  She worked a few jobs here and there, shared apartments with friends, but it always led to her being fired or getting into a fight with her roommates because of her behavior. She has been homeless for 5 months and very afraid but didn’t know how to stop her behavior. She told him she used to have dreams of being a computer programmer. Before her parents divorced, she would take classes through the local library, they told her she was good at it. Now, she figured there was nothing she could do, no place to go, nowhere to get help, and absolutely no way she would make anything of herself. She hadn’t had contact with her parents in almost 3 years.  They tried reaching out to her, helping get into counseling, and offered to help her if she would get herself clean. Now, at the lowest point in her life, she hated herself for her bad decisions.  Jackson knew he could help her; he knew he could get her pointed in the right direction. He told her his story and her eyes lit up. “You really think I can do it?” She asked him.  “Yes, I think you’ve hit your low, and it’s time to get you back on track, I know just the place that can help.”  Jackson had kept many of his contacts from the rehab facility and referred people to them on occasion. He knew he could help this girl; he saw a light in her, he saw a new determination, he saw himself in her, and as regretful as he was about his bad decisions, he knew he would do it all again if it meant he would be able to help her.