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Waiting can be rough; I get antsy in long lines, I get frustrated if food in a restaurant takes too long, I will drive another route to avoid a long line of cars on a freeway, I will reschedule an appointment if I’m told there is a really long wait time.  I bet there are readers who can relate to this.  I have never had patience in anything. 

What if the wait is something bigger than a gallon of milk, a cheeseburger, a drive home, or an annual checkup?  What if the wait is for a new job, a proposal, a baby, a cure for cancer, healing for a loved one, custody rights, or something else life altering? That kind of waiting can cause us to become insecure, sad, lonely, or anxious.  It can try our patience, make us uncomfortable, and make us downright uncertain of the plans for our life.

Those who know me well, know that I start my morning off reading a bible study plan from YouVersion.  It helps me get my day started off on the right foot.  Lately, I have come across a verse quite frequently. It is Romans 15:13, May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (NIV). Before I get to this verse and some thoughts on it, let me tell you a little about verses that “follow” me.

Many years ago, I was in a bible study class and at the end, one of the ladies gave everyone an 11×14 poster with different bible verses on each, according to how she saw each of us.  She gave me Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.   She said she didn’t really know why she chose that verse for me, she just thought it fit.  Fast forward 4 or 5  years when my husband and I were moving to Florida.  We really weren’t sure why we chose to move there, except that my parents lived in Brooksville and we were moving close by. We thought, perhaps, Florida would be a place to set roots and retire.  At my going away party, at work, one of the girls gave me a coffee mug. The front of it had the word “journey” on it, and the back had the verse Jeremiah 29:11.  I commented on how strange it was that she gave me that same verse I had been given several years back. She said she felt like I was on a journey and God was with me.

We moved to Florida, with a few doubts. I had been  eagerly church shopping online; I loved the church we belonged to in Illinois, and I wanted to find something similar.  One day, I went out driving to see what churches I could scope out close by. I prayed before I left the house for guidance.  Once I began driving, I realized I was low on gas.   As I was filling up, a van pulled up in front of me with a sign on it “Word of Faith”. THIS was one of the churches I kept pulling up online.  I went up to the man and asked where the church was, told him what I was out doing and that I must have found my answer. We both laughed about the “coincidence”.  The next Sunday we went to church, not too sure what we would find and whether or not it would suit us.  As we sat down, I looked up on the altar and saw the verse of Jeremiah 29:11.  It gave me chills. God put me where he wanted me.

That Christmas, of 2003, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer and had to drive to the Moffitt Center in Tampa.  I went with my parents to help them understand what the diagnosis meant for their next steps and to find out more about what type of cancer it was..  It turned out she had a rare form of cancer called a Chordoma. It was attached to her spine at the sacrum and was 6-8 cm in size. It was taking up a lot of space in her sacrum and could not be surgically removed. The only alternative was to stop it from growing by building a shell around it with a Proton beam.  The problem was that, at that time, there were only 2 centers in the United States that had them. One was in California and the other was in Boston Ma.  My Mom and Dad were heartbroken; without the treatment, she would eventually lose bowel and bladder control and be confined to a wheelchair but that still wouldn’t stop the cancer from growing.  There was no way they could see themselves going to Boston. They were between a rock and a hard place. I remembered my verse and went on autopilot.  I began making calls to Boston, I contacted social workers, hotels and found a way to get them there.  Many of our family members made donations for my Mom and Dad to stay as they would need to be there for 3 months.  It was a whirlwind, but they got there.  I know they would not have done that if I hadn’t been there. My Mom told me I was her guardian angel at that time. This is not a pat on the back for me; this was all God!  He made it happen by putting me in Florida during that time.  At other times he used other siblings to help them out, this was just my assignment at that time. We only stayed there a year and moved back to Illinois, but the time there was definitely not by accident.

There are so many little stories where that verse would show up and things would happen. I used to joke about it to my husband and tell him “I’m on a streak of seeing my verse again; watch out!” I mean, I did end up in Oregon; one of the most beautiful places in the United States!  Too much to go into here, but trust me; there is a God story there.

That was a long preface to this new verse that keeps showing up.  I think I am being told to trust in God instead of myself.  To wait while he continues to work out his plan. He is not slow in his plans, he is in control, and I need to get over myself and trust him. Even if I am not where I think I need to be in life; he has a plan for good and not evil. He has a plan for me to abound in hope as I trust in him and let the Holy Spirit guide me.  I’ve been in a place of limbo since March of this year, but I think I am being directed to take life by each moment, enjoy the moments I have with my husband and the relationship I am building with my Dad.  I’ve come to know my Dad a lot better these last 5 months than I did for over 50 years.  My husband and I are learning patience. My husband is my rock and I am so thankful for all he does to help my Dad.

I don’t know what is next in my life; what job I will finally land instead of my part-time work. I don’t know how long we will be in the small town where we currently reside. I don’t know what my next steps are but I know I can feel something happening.  There is a quote from Peter Kuzmic:  “Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future; faith is the courage to dance to it today.”  This resonates with me because I am a huge music fan. I love most genres and most generations of music.  I think my new verse is telling me to dance to the music of the future even if it rains, even if there is uncertainty, even if I start to feel anxious. Just dance to the music of the future and know that I don’t deserve the Glory when something good happens because of what I’ve done. It isn’t about me, it never was; it’s about Love. There is no greater gift.