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As you read my hospice memories, know that this is meant to inspire and assure you that life does go on. Faith is an amazing gift, families can be an inspiration and source of strength. My family has always been close, so it is no surprise how we came together during this time; it was beautiful. Our spouses were all so understanding and supportive. To quote Charles Dickens, my sisters and I said “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” but it was beautiful to be able to usher our Mom out of this world while helping our Dad through so much of the pain. Although my Dad misses her terribly, as we all do, he knows she is free from suffering, free from Cancer, and with her savior waiting for him.

On March 1st 2022, I completed my last day of work with a national organization to move to Georgia.  I knew my Mom and Dad were having health issues and I wanted to be closer to my two sisters who lived there already.  My parents lived in Brooksville and I thought it would be good for the 3 of us to take turns driving to Florida if we were needed.  We have another sister in the Chicago area, and 3 brothers one lives in Florida, one in Illinois, and one in California.  

On March 3rd, our first day of the journey across the country, from Oregon to Georgia, I found out my Mom went into the hospital. My brother, in Florida, had received a call from one of her friends.  My Mom was extremely weak and couldn’t stand up.  He was on his way to the hospital to check out the situation and to check on my Dad, who isn’t able to move around too easily and was at home alone.  These are the phone calls you don’t want to receive when you aren’t able to do anything.  I had no idea what my Mom’s situation was, but apparently she had been ill for a while and didn’t let on to anyone.

My sisters from Georgia were planning to drive there the next day to help assess the situation and help my brother, since he wanted to help my Dad but also needed to be at the hospital with my Mom.  It seemed my Mom had not been able to eat anything solid for a while and was very dehydrated and malnourished.  My sister from Chicago was planning her trip the next day.  I had already planned to drop our carload off in Georgia and drive to Florida with my dog, while my husband stayed behind to get our new house ready to move in to. On March 8th, I made it to Brooksville, Florida; it had been over 3,000 miles of driving and a ton of stress with leaving my job, hoping to get our house ready before the moving truck comes, and then finding out my Mom is struggling to breathe and has a cardiologist coming to assess her.

That next day, we found out that my Mom’s heart was only working at 40% capacity.  They were going to do some additional testing to assess her lungs because they had drained fluid from them.  We were frustrated at how long it was taking to get answers; she went in on the 3rd and by the 8th, that was our only answer. Why did she have fluid in her lungs, why was her heart at 40%, why couldn’t she swallow easily? We all had our suspicions but needed to hear a definitive answer.

We had been taking my Dad up every morning and afternoon to see her; moving around very much wears him out and this was just so much for him to take in.  He was being very strong for the love of his life.  When we brought him up to see her on March 10th, she looked amazing; she had some of the fluid drained from her lungs, she was able to eat, and her eyes looked bright.  Praise the Lord!  During the entire time, she was sharp as a tack. She remembered so many details about years past, current events, where everything was in the house in case we needed anything.  She has always been a strong woman!

We brought Dad home after his morning visit; he was on cloud nine just waiting for the news of when my Mom would be released and back home with him.  Two of us  girls went back up to the hospital; my brother from Florida had gone home for a short time and my other 2 brothers were waiting to hear how things were going before making the trip. Since 3 visitors at a time was the max, we needed to split our time with her.  Her primary care physician had finally made it while we were there. We told her that we needed answers; was she actually in Congestive Heart failure, or was anything else contributing to her inability to swallow.  The Doctor brought my sister and me into a room and told us that my Mom had metastatic cancer; her breast cancer from years ago had spread to her lungs, possibly her kidneys.  She said my Mom might only have weeks to live.  We were devastated; after a morning of hope, we were given a devastating diagnosis.  The doctor was going to go tell my Mom and wanted us to be there.

My Mom was deflated by the news and wanted us to break it to my Dad before bringing him back to the hospital.  She wanted to be alone for a while.  We called my brothers so they could make arrangement to come see Mom and Dad. We called my sisters and told them to wait outside for our update so we could all break the news to Dad.

My brother from Illinois made it the next day and my brother from California made it the day after that.  My Mom had been transferred to a hospice center where she was looking bright, sharp, and excited to see everyone.  She had it in her mind that she was there because she had 6 months to live. Of course, we didn’t try to convince her otherwise.  She definitely did not look like the other hospice patients. Except for the fact that her legs were too weak to get out of bed, she was doing pretty well with eating a soft diet and drinking as much coffee, water, and soda as she wanted.

Fast forwarding through so many memories; good and bad, my Mom was transferred to their home with her home hospice bed on March 17th.  We kept her entertained with movies, stories, and friends galore that came by to visit, when she was awake. We were cognizant of her need for naps; she had grown so tired and wasn’t sleeping well at night.  The brothers left at various times; on our assurance that it was okay to go; they said their goodbyes to my Mom. We were all at peace and Mom was determined that she was going to be okay. It was a very emotional time and us girls knew that we all needed to get back home; too but not sure how to make that happen.

We had a family discussion and decided to escort my Mom via ambulance back to Georgia and take my Dad there. We all needed to go home but we couldn’t leave my parents behind. There just wasn’t a great solution.  My Mom and Dad thought this was an excellent idea; my Mom was still pretty sharp and she was happy for the solution.   Since those plans were made for March 30th, my sister went home to Chicago on the 21st, I left on the 22nd, and my other 2 sisters stayed behind with Mom and Dad.

My Mom started to fade quickly; I think deep down she knew she would not make it to 6 months but she was going to keep trying.  Her body was giving out and she was struggling to eat and breathe.  On March 27th, a Sunday, she was going in and out of responsiveness.  My brother drove back up in time for my Mom to listen to the Sunday service on the television.  It started at 9:00 a.m and was over at 9:30.  As soon as the service ended, my Mom stopped breathing.  She waited for the service and left on her own terms to be with her savior.

There are so many things that aren’t in here. There were too many emotions, too many conversations, and too much to add it all.  Some of our memories included the following:

• Sitting with the brothers, in the rain, trying to talk.  Watching the lightning
• Sitting in the Florida room while Mom was at the hospital, trying to figure out what we would do
  • Sitting there while she was at the Care Center trying to figure out what to do
  • Sitting there while she was in her bed, in the living room, trying to figure out what to do
    • We figured out what to do i.e. bring her to Georgia, now planning logistics
• Mom, making it so easy for us to clean her up; she helped, she joked, she thanked us
• “Mr. Frosty’s” which are Wendy’s frosty cups; she loved getting these as a treat
• The daily drives to the hospital, then the Care Center, then no drives at all; just a hospital bed in the living room, trying to go on with our new normal
• The emotional swings or “the pit in our stomachs” as we called it
• The nightly sister talks
• Dad getting panicked from time to time
• Mom….she was always her sharp self up until the last few days when Lisa and Lynn were there alone with her and Dad.  She knew where everything was, she remembered so many details. She orchestrated the packing up of her clothes, the gathering of the paperwork, and never missed a beat. Unless she was sleeping and even then, she’d open her eyes and look around at us.  She was stubborn, she was strong, she was relentlessly determined to live until the Fall. Afterall, the Doctors “told me I had 6 months to live”. She tried, she gave it her all. She went out on her own terms.  That is so Mom!  I’m glad we all have a little of the spunk inside of us.

 We love and miss you Mom…..Dance and sing with your Savior!  We’ll take good care of Dad until he meets up with you.

My Dad ended up moving to Georgia, with my sister in Tunnel Hill. After her tragedy of losing her son, which you can read about, he moved in with my husband me. I am blessed to be able to do this, blessed that my husband is supportive, and blessed that my Dad is pretty self sufficient and appreciative of his family. He tells us all the time on Messenger, that he is grateful. As I said, family can be an amazing support system; embrace your loved ones, tell them you love them, have fun, and be thankful and blessed.