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As morbid as it sounds, everyone should contemplate the content of their obituary. If your loved one wrote it out, what would they say? If your best friend or sibling wrote it, what memories would inspire them?  If your coworkers or church family wrote it, would it sound different than the aforementioned authors?  Think about what you would want the reader to know about you. In fact, I think it would be a healthy exercise to sit down and actually write it out for yourself.

You might wonder why in the world I would suggest this and you may think it sounds preposterous or morose.  I suggest that it is an exercise in humility and self-reflection. It is hard, for most people, to write positive affirmations about themselves. It can be difficult to come up with content that sounds appealing or truthful.  Do it anyway. Write what you want people to read about your life, even if it isn’t true. Yet.

If you are very brave, you can ask your spouse, significant other, or a few close friends and coworkers to write down one positive attribute about you, with the understanding that it can’t be a physical attribute. Invite them to tell you one thing they enjoy or appreciate about you and use that content to build upon.

When I thought about this, I decided that I want people to remember me as being kind, gentle, generous, and fun to be around.  Do I possess all these qualities?  Maybe, at times. It depends on the person you ask or the day you ask them. There are times I don’t feel that my interactions depict me as kind and gentle; I can be direct and harsh.  There are times I don’t feel particularly generous. This is especially true when it comes to “my” free time.  Admittedly, I am not always fun to be around; I can be irritable or distracted and rushed; you would only need to catch my husband in a moment of truth to attest to this.   I want my chosen attributes to be synonymous with my name, so contemplating my own obituary challenges me to live in such a way that these qualities are reflected in my interactions.

This isn’t a new concept; there are plenty of people that have written their own obituaries or have chosen the music they want to be played at their funeral. My goal and suggestion for writing our own tribute is to have it used as a roadmap for future interactions, not for self-actualization or pride in how great we are.  If I want people to think of me in a positive light, I had better be living a life that reflects positivity. If I want people to remember me as someone that people gravitate towards, I had better make certain I am honing nurturing, compassionate skills that invite people in. I challenge my readers to do the same. If it creeps you out to think of it as an obituary, just think of it as a Toast. If you were writing your own Toast at a celebration dedicated to you, write down what would you want those in attendance to hear and vow to live that reality daily.  Cheers.