They weren’t too young after all.

As she looked down at her dad’s blank face and touched his cold hands, she was happy, relieved, and sad all at the same time.  The last two years have been a whirlwind filled with stress, change, sorrow, remorse, depression, anxiety, resentment, tragedy, and several other emotions that were hard to put into words. So many things had occurred, so many changes to their entire family. This passing of life was the end of his story on Earth: a love story that began so many years ago.

He used to tell Shelby, his youngest daughter, how much he missed her mom, how much he wished he could go back in time, how tired he was of keeping her waiting.  Frank met the love of his life, Eileen, back in late 1949 or early 1950. They were introduced by a friend who thought they would make a good couple. She was working at a fast-food place and from the first time he saw her, he was struck.  On the days she worked, he would arrive at the end of her shift and walk her home. One thing led to another and in July of 1950, they were married. She was 17 and he was 19; everyone tried to tell them that they were too young. Her side of the family wasn’t too sure about this scrawny boy that dropped out of high school and played a few pranks in his time. Nothing deterred them and they proceeded to get married. They went off to a honeymoon weekend in Wisconsin. Eileen’s sister told her to be sure to bring the marriage certificate since they would need to stay in a hotel, and she wasn’t eighteen yet.  As they drove off, neither of them could imagine the lifetime of memories they would experience; both turbulent and joyous.

They proceeded to explore their new life and, shortly after they were married, their first child, Nick, was born in February. It was a joyful time and a frightening time for them both. Money was tight and Eileen stayed home to raise Nick while Frank worked.  He had been at a seed company, but a new job at an auto place paid more and he became a car painter. It wasn’t really what he dreamt of for his life, but he knew he would do anything for Eileen. Still the call of the wild was strong and he enjoyed having a beer with his friends once in a while.  Life brought a big change in January of 1953 when Allen, their next son, was born.  Pressure was mounting on Frank to bring in money and support Eileen and the two boys. The place they rented had a refrigerator you had to pay to keep running. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to bring a bologna sandwich to work that looked a little suspect in color.

Eileen had felt the pressure at home as well. She worked hard to raise two baby boys, and now with Nick almost four years of age, she found herself pregnant again. Her deep belief in her catholic upbringing brought her to church every Sunday, while Frank stayed home. It burned her with sadness and anger that he didn’t quite carry the load at home and didn’t go to church. Sure, he was a hard worker, bringing in a consistent paycheck, but she wanted more from him. It all came to a head after Luisa, their third child and first daughter, was born in February of 1956.  Several months after Luisa’s birth, Frank came home a little later than normal smelling like Sam’s tavern. As he came to kiss her hello, she turned to him, her face flushing with anger and gave him an ultimatum to start going to church and being more a part of the family or decide what he really wanted out of life.  That was all Frank needed as he looked into the face of the woman he loved more than life itself.

Frank graduated from all of the classes he needed to convert to Catholicism the following year. He was a devoted Father and church goer every Sunday and Holy day.  Eileen’s sisters and brothers-in-law warmed up to Frank over the last couple of years and the six of them were almost inseparable on weekends.  They took turns at each other’s houses playing cards and having a grand time. By January of 1957, they brought their fourth child, Tom, into the world.  Eileen had a very tough time with this pregnancy. Her doctor was worried that she wouldn’t make it.  He tried to get her to take birth control, but she wouldn’t have it.  Frank wouldn’t argue with Eileen about it, but he saw what she went through, and it frightened him. He continued to work, every day; sick or not, backache or not. He was tired, he was stressed and he admittedly, sometimes, took it out on his sons, particularly the oldest one. Two years after Tom was born, Eileen learned she was pregnant and ended up bringing a second daughter into their home, they named her Alice. In 1959, at 26 years of age, she had five children. 

The kids kept Eileen busy at home, Nick and Allen pulled a lot of shenanigans, some worse than the others. One day, Eileen found out they laid thumbtacks in the road so cars would drive over them.  When Frank got home and learned about it, he took a belt to the two and taught them a lesson about respecting other people’s property.  They still pulled pranks, but not like that. They were boys being boys and liked to pick on their siblings like any other family. They pulled lots of pranks on Tom, being the youngest boy, but all in all they got along.

Life continued on for Eileen at home with diapers, helping the boys fold papers for their paper routes, endless dishes, and housework. Frank and Eileen continued to play cards with the gang and hold summer picnics. Frank felt the pressure, but he loved his family. The pressure mounted when just two years later, another daughter, Elizabeth, was born.  There seemed to be a pattern to every two years of children entering their life, so when two years went by without another baby on the way, Frank felt a little relief.  He had no idea that in two years, just four years after Elizabeth was born, another daughter would come into the family; Shelby.

By the time Shelby was born, Frank was 34, Eileen 32 and Nick was 14 and in a high school band. Nick and Frank continued to butt heads, as happens so often with the oldest of the family. Nick didn’t get into trouble, but his hair was long, and he was in a band. Frank didn’t approve and the two didn’t see eye to eye sometimes. Frank would tell Shelby, so many years later, about his regrets with the pressure he put on Nick; it was ultimately because he loved Nick and wanted more for him than he was able to provide. Meanwhile, Frank and Eileen managed a large family as best they could, with no parenting handbook to go by.  Eileen’s mom passed away when Elizabeth was two years old. The younger kids often went with Eileen to their sick grandmother’s house while Eileen and her sisters cared for her.  It was rough on Eileen not having a mother to go to for advice. She didn’t want to burden her mother in earlier years because she wasn’t feeling well.

Frank and Eileen brought their kids on picnics to both his family’s side and hers. They went on small vacations once in a while, leaving the kids with other family members or friends to watch so they could get away together. Life was fun at times and difficult at others, but Frank always felt his eyes driven to Eileen when she walked in the room; she lit it up just by entering. Fast forwarding through most of their kids’ lives into adulthood, they saw their children go through rebellion, struggles, mistakes, happy times, marriages, divorces, raising their own children, and some who couldn’t.  When they would sit back as they were older and into retirement, they would ponder on all the things they could have done different with kids and grandkids, they reminisced about good times with their family, they were proud of their children and grandchildren. They had moved to their retirement community nearly thirty years prior as Frank started to notice something amiss with Eileen.  He was afraid, but as she usually did, she dismissed his concerns and told him she was alright.

Several months later, her back started to hurt and she could barely walk. It had been just under 20 years since she had been diagnosed with a rare spinal cord tumor that was treated with radiation. This had been discovered when Shelby and her husband, Alex, lived near them in Florida.  With their help and the many prayers and gifts from family, Frank and Eileen were able to travel up to Boston for the treatment.  Over the years, she had several instances of the tumor resurfacing to various places. She had surgery on her liver and lungs to remove pieces of it.  Six years after her treatment, she had breast cancer, requiring a double mastectomy. Frank was thankful for Allen and Brandi, his daughter-in-law, who helped them through this time. Brandi took care of Eileen doing things Frank would never have been able to.

Eileen had finally gone to the doctor for a Cat Scan, and she said they told her “No cancer”. Still, he couldn’t understand why she was having a hard time breathing, walking, and swallowing. One night, while sitting in her chair, she slid onto the floor and couldn’t get up. He panicked, not knowing what to do; he couldn’t even think of how to use the phone because he was so distraught.  Frank got up, went to the front door, down the steps, and out to the driveway to yell for help.  Luckily, one of their neighbors, and good friend was outside. They called the ambulance, but Eileen did not want to go. Their neighbor called Allen and told him what had happened. Allen called his parents and talked Eileen into going to the hospital.  After he hung up, he kissed Brandi goodbye, messaged a few of his siblings and made the long drive up to his parents.

Shelby and Alex were on the road when she learned that her mom had been hospitalized. She and Alex had made the difficult decision to move from the West Coast down South to be closer to them. Shelby had wanted to be closer to Alice and Elizabeth, who both lived in Georgia, but her sixth sense told her that something wasn’t right. She had talked to her mom too many times, hearing something different in her tone. Something flat. As much as she loved her home in the West, she knew it was time to leave. As Shelby and Alex sat in a hotel at the end of their first night on the road, she couldn’t imagine was about the ensue.

Alice and Elizabeth decided to drive from their homes in Georgia to be there with Allen. Luisa was making plans to fly down after hearing that Eileen wasn’t breathing well and was severely dehydrated. Shelby was making plans to stop in Georgia, unload the car and get on the road, to Florida. Alex stayed behind to wait for the movers to arrive with their belongings. Meanwhile, Luisa’s husband, John, Alice’s husband, Rick, and Elizabeth’s husband, Paul, stayed home while their wives diverted down to Florida. Allen decided to return home after his two sisters arrived. He kept Nick and his wife, Val, and Tom and his wife, Marla, up to date about their mom. They were all hoping this would turn around, and Eileen would do what she does best; conquer impending doom and return home. Sadly, that wasn’t the case.

Once Shelby arrived, they all took turns going to the hospital and bringing Frank up to see Eileen.  Frank was weak and didn’t navigate the long hospital corridors, so they used a wheelchair to get him to his bride. On one particular visit that Elizabeth and Shelby went to see Eileen, the Doctor came in and told them the devastating news; the tests were all back and Eileen had metastatic lung cancer; she could have weeks, maybe months to live.  The sweet doctor went with them and told Eileen the news. Eileen, who had been in the middle of a physical therapy session to help her try to walk, was deflated. She put her heads in her hands and told the physical therapist to go away; she wouldn’t be needing her assistance.

Elizabeth and Shelby gave their mom time to digest the news before asking if they should go get Frank.  Although Eileen desperately wanted to see him, she asked if she could be alone for a few hours. She asked them if they would tell their dad the news, so she didn’t have to. Eileen told them that he drew strength from all four of them being there. Elizabeth and Shelby left their mom alone per her wishes and called Luisa and Alice to let them know they needed to talk to them before coming into the house to talk to their dad.

The four girls went into the house, asked Frank to put his hearing aids in, and gave him the news. He was devastated. He just put his head in his hands and cried. He kept saying to himself “what will I do without her”. Then, just like that, he asked the girls to take him to see her. Nothing was going to keep him away from her at this point. The girls updated their brothers, and the plans began to be made to make their way to Florida. Allen and Brandi, from Florida. Nick from Illinois, and Tom from California.

In the hospital room, Frank and Eileen just held hands and cried together, while the sisters stepped out and let them have their time. The physician came by and told them they would plan on arrangements at a temporary hospice place. From there the family would have to decide the next steps. The next several days were a whirlwind; it was the best of times with all of the siblings being together to say their goodbyes, reminisce on life together, and usher their mom from this world to her true home. It was the worst of times watching her lie in a bed, knowing she was going to die soon. It was awful watching the hollow, helpless look of Frank as he watched the love of his, knowing she would slip away.

Eileen transitioned from the hospice room to home hospice. Her mental clarity remained strong up to her last week of life. She knew where every item was in the house; she remembered details of so many questions everyone thought to ask her. She had so many friends stop by to visit her and pay respects. She loved seeing all of her friends, she loved seeing her family. She tried to be strong, but they could see that she was worried about Frank. That was so true to her nature; always worrying about someone else’s needs before her own.

At some point, she thought she had six months to live, and it had been decided to move her and Frank from Florida to Geogia via an ambulance. They were going to live with Elizabeth and Paul. The sisters promised Eileen that they would take great care of their dad; they knew their mom was worried about him because everyone thought she would be the widow instead of him. She was the strong one, she was the one who would do best on her own. She wasn’t supposed to go first, at least that wasn’t her plan, but God had others. Luisa and Shelby had to return home, leaving Alice and Elizabeth behind to tend to the care of Eileen and Frank. Two weeks later, after watching a church service, Eileen breathed her last and Frank said goodbye to his sweetheart of more than seventy years. Before Eileen had gone into her catatonic state, she held Franks hand and told him she would be waiting for him. She reminded him that the Father’s house has many rooms. Now as Frank looked at her blank face, he knew where she was, and he knew he didn’t want to keep her waiting for him.

Frank made the trek back to Georgia to live with Elizabeth and Paul. He was settling into his new home, trying to get into a routine. Elizabeth and Paul would have Alice, Rick, Shelby, and Alex over to break up the sadness. They would alternate where to have get-togethers to keep Frank from being so depressed. Frank enjoyed watching Paul tend to his garden and chickens.  Three months into his new chapter in life, everything changed for Elizabeth and Paul. Their son and daughter-in-law were killed in a tragic accident, leaving their three children behind. Frank went to live with Shelby and Alex while Elizabeth and Paul proceeded to move back up North to work on custody of the kids and become parents again. Frank was distraught over another tragedy, he couldn’t imagine what Elizabeth, Paul and the kids were going through, and he couldn’t understand why he was still here, while Eileen was waiting for him. He told Shelby so many times how he hated keeping her waiting.

As Shelby thought about all that had happened over the last two years she was overwhelmed with the story of love and tragedy. Frank and Nick had made amends in Florida but even more so at the funeral of his grandson. Frank stayed with Nick and Val and commented often on their hospitality and how much he enjoyed staying with them, even in the midst of the tragedy. Frank had the opportunity to see his sons, daughters, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law, and many of his nieces and nephews while up north. Although the trip was rough on him, it was good for his soul, even as burdened as it was.

Over the year and a half that he lived with Shelby and Alex; Frank commented on how thankful he was for all of his family. He was thankful for the time he spent with Nick and Val. He commented on how he could have done things differently but was thankful for what they had. He commented on how many times Allen and Brandi had driven up to see him and Eileen and all the times they played cards, or how often they helped Frank and Eileen. He commented on how proud he was of Luisa and how worried he was about her being a caregiver to John, who was diagnosed with Parkinsons. He loved how Luisa was so close to her stepdaughters and now a grandmother. He talked about how happy he was to see Tom in Florida; how thankful he was that Tom’s heart surgery went well. How good it was to talk to him and Marla on the phone and how he enjoyed it when they went to Florida to visit them, recounting the last time and their long trip in the motorhome.  He was so thankful to Alice who would come over when Shelby and Alex needed to go out of town. How much fun it was when Alice and Rick came over and how proud he was of her. He reminisced about living with Elizabeth and Paul and how fun it was to watch them garden and raise chickens. He loved to watch tv with Paul and see what concoction Paul would cook up. He loved their dogs, but mostly he was said for their tragedy. He talked about all of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He was proud of all of them, he was happy to get letters and visits. He always enjoyed hearing about them or from them on Messenger. He appreciated the grandkids and great grandkids that had been able to visit in Georgia. He loved seeing his and Eileen’s legacy live on.

 He thanked Shelby and Alex often. Alex liked to talk to Frank about anything that would stimulate his brain. Frank would tell Alex things about his life that he didn’t tell Shelby; he could have done things differently with kids, he loved it when the siblings got together and had fun,  he wished he could have provided better, and various other topics. He talked to Shelby about some of the difficulties in their marriage with finances. He told her about a house they bought through someone that was paying the bank; kind of like renting to own, she figured. Evidently, the builder wasn’t paying the bank. Frank started taking the heat for it and he was having a breakdown over it, missing work, and not wanting to leave the house. Eileen called one of his friends to try to get him out of the house. Franks friend came by, had to talk him out of leaving the house and took him down to the tavern to have a beer. This friend happened to be a realtor and, somehow, got them out of the contract and found a buyer for the house. They moved shortly after that to another home that was older, but bigger, and one they could afford. He talked about growing up in the depression, his mom and dad’s garden, the various jobs he held, and when he first met Eileen.

Shelby sat down after the paramedics left with her dad, on a stretcher, and stared at what was his make-shift bedroom. She recalled, yet again, their porch talks when he would reminisce about his childhood. He wrote his memoirs down in a journal and told her to read it and share when he was gone. He would tell her how he sometimes felt like the richest man because of his family.  He talked about his brothers and sisters, his nieces and nephews, and his grandkids that he wished he knew better. He would talk to her about all the messages on the Messenger site from that day. He cherished reading the posts and seeing the pictures, even though he didn’t respond all the time. He would get frustrated that he couldn’t hear well enough to understand people on the phone. He loved sitting out and watching the birds, or the dogs chase the trucks. He would tell her about all the birds in the feeder or the bird bath. He would report to her how much water he had that day or how many laps around the house he was able to accomplish.  He had tried to keep up with his water intake and his walking, but it just kept getting harder for him. After his hospital stay the year prior, he was sufficiently frightened enough to work on his leg strength, with the help of Alex. Towards that last week of his life, however, he couldn’t bear weight, he stopped eating, and he just wanted to let go. Shelby remembered helping him wash up at the sink so he would be clean for their upcoming party. She remembered Christmas Eve, the night before, how she and Alex along with Alice and Rick talked with him. They helped him unwrap presents, they bundled him up and took him outside for a brief time, he visited with the neighborhood dogs, and pretended he was drinking wine while Alice or Shelby helped him sip his soft drink.  At the end of that evening, he told them “thank you for this day”, he wanted them to tell all of the family thank you. He appreciated all of the gifts and the cards. He loved all of the snacks that he opened, even though Shelby suspected that he knew he wouldn’t be eating them. Shelby thought about how she walked into his room just over an hour ago, felt his cold hands, looked at his half-opened eyes, and got on her knees to thank God that He took Frank peacefully. She thanked God that she wouldn’t have to put her dad in a nursing home, she thanked God that Frank was finally dancing with Eileen. Throughout the year and a half that her dad was with them, it had been an almost daily prayer that he would stay healthy enough to be self-sufficient and not need to live in a nursing home. Feeling the guilty sense of relief, the joy of knowing he was at peace, and the heaviness of the last two years slowly lifting off of her shoulders, she turned to leave the bedroom and ponder what her next chapter would look like. She had so much to be thankful for; Frank and Eileen beat the odds of people telling them they wouldn’t make it.  Frank and Eileen weren’t perfect parents, they could have done things differently, as so many parents could, but they raised seven kids who get along and like each other’s company. They loved each other deeply and they were best friends who supported one another right until the end. As Shelby turned the corner, she saw Alex. She hugged him and thanked him for everything he did for Frank, for keeping Franks dignity, for engaging him, making him meals while she was at work, and being his Cubs and Price is Right buddy for the last 18 months.