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Maya has always been part loner, part social butterfly.  The two are oxymorons, she loved her alone time, but also loved to be in situations with a lot going on. Situations where she didn’t have to do much personal interaction were her favorite.  For instance, she loved festivals, but liked going with just a few close friends. She didn’t mind interacting with people, but she liked to keep it superficial. At 42 years of age, she could only count a handful of very close friends; two of those were her sisters, one was her husband.  Not very many people knew Maya on a deep, personal level.  She didn’t feel the need to let many people in to her deepest secrets, her past mistakes, the way she grew up, or any other personal areas of her life.  If Maya divulged her vulnerability, it meant she truly trusted the person to whom she was communicating.

Maya and her sisters lost their mother two years ago. They were blessed to be near her; they took turns helping their mum out during the week. They all lived in the same general area, if the town names didn’t change, you wouldn’t know you in a different town at all.  They liked being close to each other. They liked knowing they could depend on each other, get together if they chose, or in this instance help their mum during her last few months of life.  Their pa passed away over five years ago to a heart attack.  Mum had been broken-hearted ever since, but she was strong and determined to live on her own and not be a burden.  When she learned of her pancreatic cancer, she knew she didn’t have long, and her desire was to pass away in the only home her and pa lived.  The doctor’s told her that some people can live up to three years with this type of cancer, but as advanced as hers was, she likely only had three months.

Maya and her sisters were determined to allow mum her dignity. They took her grocery shopping, until she was too weak to walk around. She didn’t want to go out in a wheelchair, she felt like that would be burdensome and draw attention to herself, so she allowed her daughters to do her grocery shopping.  She tried to convince them that she could have groceries delivered, but Maya and her sisters wouldn’t have it.  They wanted to get the groceries and make sure mum had nutritious food to eat. Towards the end, they took turns staying at her house. They started off a week at a time, but when the cancer progressed to a debilitating state, and hospice had to come, they all moved in.  Maya was single, widowed actually; her husband died a year after her father, from a congenital heart defect that had gone undetected all his life.  Maya was devastated but determined to carry on. Her mum’s strength pulsed through her veins. Maya’s oldest sister, Bev was happily married, and her husband supported her decision to stay with her mum. Maya’s younger sister, Cora, was also married, happily; her husband traveled a lot for work, so he was fine with her moving in with mum as well.  Bev brought her dog, Sasha, to help cheer mum up. Sasha was a mix of Corgi, Scottie, and who knows what else.  She adopted Sasha seven years ago, from the local shelter. At ten years of age, Sasha was happy to lay at the foot of mum’s bed and keep her company. 

A year after mum’s death, Maya lost her job due to a turn in the economy and the company laying off top executives. Since Maya was part of the upper echelon of the company, she knew what was happening when the President called her into her office.  Maya told her boss that she understood, but deep down she hadn’t.  She was part of the reason the company was successful. She would have taken a cut in pay, even told her boss as much.  Maya would have taken time off to allow the company to get on their feet. In the end, she shook hands with her boss and walked out the door.  She would allow herself six months to digest the pain of another loss.  She loved her job, she loved the people, she loved the responsibility she held, and she loved that it had become part of her after 25 years at the company.  Maya had started as a secretary, while still in high school.  After high school, the company allowed her to work part time so she could go to business school.  After she graduated from college, she worked various jobs within, each a promotion from the last. She knew that company inside and out.  Now, she felt like she lost part of her identity.  In addition to that, she had been fostering cats for the same humane society her sister adopted Sasha. One of the litters she had just taken home, had a horrible virus. As much as she tried to nurse them back; all 4 kittens succumbed to the sickness. One week after that, she was in a terrible accident, due to a driver running a red light. Thankfully, she wasn’t hurt, but her car was totaled. She knew the cost of the vehicle was no match for her life being spared, but it was like adding insult to injury. As her terrible luck would continue; the following month, a tornado touched down in her neighborhood and tore the roof off her home.  She was at Bev’s house when it happened, and was spared any injury, but it was the last straw. Her stress level was through the roof, and she was at her wits end.  She decided to sell the house, that had been hers and her husband’s, and buy a condo. 

Maya had been in a deep funk. She tried to pull herself out, but she couldn’t. She was lonely for some kind of companionship. She had lost her own dog, Millie, only a month after her husband. She longed to see Sam, her husband. She longed for Millie. She longed for her job back. She longed for her mum and the conversations they used to have over coffee. She longed for her dad, who she would sit and watch golf with. She didn’t like the game, but pa was an avid fan. She missed their conversations of the players, the game, the greens, and everything else they talked about.  She wanted to rely more on her sisters, but she didn’t want to be a burden to their marriages. She was sinking into a pit of depression, and she knew she needed to get out.

One night while sitting out on her condo patio, watching the sun go down, she saw a butterfly. Not just any butterfly, a Monarch. It was mum’s favorite. What made it so strange is that it was mid-September and monarchs have usually made their journey through the Midwest by now and were already in Mexico. The monarch flew around her several times before landing on her shoulder. Maya barely moved; she didn’t even want to breathe for fear of frightening the butterfly.  After several minutes, it was still there. She turned her head and looked straight at the butterfly. It just sat there, on her shoulder, looking at her. Finally, it moved its wings and flew right up to her face, bumped her nose, and flew off. Maya sat there with tears streaming down her face. Her mum used to try to do butterfly kisses with her when Maya was a young girl, but mum’s eyes were too sensitive so instead she would nose kiss.  “Oh mum, I wish I knew if that was a sign from you, I’m so lonesome, so shaken of my self-confidence, and so unsure of what to do next”. Maya had been thinking about moving out of state for a job offer she received but the pay was much less than what she had been making, the job was not what she wanted to do, and she didn’t want to move up North.  She knew she needed to start working again. She was okay, financially, for the short term, but she knew she needed to start earning an income. She sat outside for another hour before going inside.

When she went inside, she remembered the pile of mail she had put on the counter.  As she went over to it, she stopped cold in her tracks. Maya was a neat freak, so she distinctly remembers putting the stack neatly on the edge of the counter.  Now it was in a messy pile, with a magazine lying on the floor. She wondered if she had left a window open to blow it over, but a quick scan of the room told her otherwise.  She figured it must have been windier than she thought when she opened the door to go outside.  As she bent over to pick up the magazine, she saw an article on a foster care program that was hurting financially, something she had always been passionate about, but didn’t have the time to fully devote herself to.  The article had an insignia at the top; the author used a monarch butterfly next to her name. “Oh my gosh, could this be a sign of what I should do”, she thought to herself. She couldn’t imagine how helping a foster program would help her find work but decided to sleep on it; that was just a coincidence, it had to be.  Still, she had been thinking about what she could do to make her life more meaningful. “That’s all well and good, Maya, but how will you provide for yourself, cats and dogs don’t pay your bills” she rebuked herself and poured a glass of wine to settle into bed with. 

Maya’s dreams were filled with dreams of butterflies, shelter animals, purses, and coffee. When she woke up, she was still in the hazy midst of her dream. It felt good, but confusing.  She brushed it off and went to get her coffee.  As she read her morning bible study, a verse came up that her mum had given her on a card years before: I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plan for good and not evil, plans for a future and a hope. It was Jeremiah 29:11. It gave her comfort but not clarity.  She put her phone down and went into the kitchen to turn on the radio.  She stopped and stared at the radio as if it were a ghost.  The song Bridge over troubled water was on. That was the song her mum had told her and her sisters she wanted to play at her funeral. That was the song she wanted them to remember her by. It was at the chorus sail on silver girl, sail on by, your time has come to shine, all your dreams are on their way. See how they shine…. Maya stood in the middle of her kitchen with tears in her eyes. She hadn’t been so weepy in months, what was going on with her.  Suddenly she just let all the past fears, losses, and rejection wash over her. She cried one of those big, ugly, sloppy cries. A few minutes later, the phone rang.

“Maya, remember that favorite pastry shop downtown, we used to go to all the time”? said Cora. Without waiting for an answer, she continued “its closing, can you believe it, something about the owner not wanting to but they have to move out of the country to be near family” finished Cora. The two talked about the building and what a unique design it was. They thought it was way too big for a pastry shop; it always seemed like it wasn’t living up to its full potential as a building. The owner only used a portion of it and rented out the other space for private parties, which rarely happened because he never advertised it.  “Heck Maya, you should march right down there and buy that building. You could have that little shop we used to dream about as girls” exclaimed Cora.  Maya hadn’t thought about that little girl’s dream in years.  The two girls dreamed of some kind of dress or purse shop.  Maya had always said that she would love to have a secondhand shop and have donations go to the humane society. She used to dream of having the shelter animals stay right in her store and help get them adopted. That dream came flooding back to her like a tidal wave. Cora must have been talking while Maya was daydreaming. “Maya”!  “Sorry, Cora, I was lost in my own world, it has been a weird couple of days. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you”.  As Maya turned to look out at the sunshine creeping in her backdoor, she saw the monarch butterfly again. It had landed on her balcony and was ever so slowly moving its wings.  “I need to go now Cora, I’ll call you back later” Maya said as she hung up the phone, not waiting for a reply.

Maya stepped out onto the balcony and looked at the butterfly.  “Mom, is this a sign from you”?  Maya knew she had lost her mind as she talked to the butterfly. She walked over to it, and it just sat there, pulsating its wings.  “Should I do it, should I try for my shop? I hadn’t thought about it in years, but suddenly it seems like the right thing to do”. Said Maya to the butterfly.  Maya put her hand out and the butterfly landed on it.  Maya brought the butterfly up to her nose, and gently bumped it. As she brought the butterfly away from her face, it beat its wings a little faster, before taking off, circling around her head, and flying south.  Maya ran into the house and called her sister.  “Cora, I know what I need to do, can you meet me downtown”?